Wedding bells...and bridesmaid dresses...

So remember my post about how many weddings we have this summer???  Like 13 or something, I've lost count.  I am in 2 of them and Clint is in 3 of them, whew!!!  We have already been to 1 wedding this year, the next is Memorial Day weekend.  Neither of these 2 are ones we are standing up in. 

Come June 25th we are both standing up in the same wedding.  Actually Clint is the best man and I am the matron of honor.  It is one of Clint's closest childhood friends, Loren.  Loren's older brother Brian passed away in a tragic accident 3 years ago, so Clint gets the honor of filling in for Brian, who was also a very close friend of Clint's.  Kind of bittersweet.  Lana, Loren's fiancee, moved here from Russia about 11 years ago.  She took 1 year of high school and then graduated from the college in our small town.  She lived at home while going to college and missed out on making a lot of friends.  Most of her friends now, are Loren's friends wives or girlfriends.  Since most of her family can't come from Russia for the wedding she asked me to stand up as her matron of honor.  It is a little awkward just because the 2 of us have always gotten along but have never been super close.  We do things as the 4 of us, both couples.  Since my hubby is the best man, it will be fine, and I am looking forward to it. 

Here is the dresses for this wedding.  They are beautiful. 

I will be 16 weeks, so I am praying that the dress will work.  I had ordered it a size to big, since I was hoping to be pregnant.  I just had NO idea it would be with twins!!!  I will post a picture next week of my little belly bump.  I am 5'11" so I think the height will be to my advantage;)  I was slow to show with Nolan, so it will be interesting to see how things are different this time around!!!

The next wedding I am in is August 20th.  My cousin's wedding.  I will be 24 weeks.  That dress, I am VERY nervous about.  I too ordered that one a size big being hopeful to be pregnant.  Again never imagining I would be having twins.  I'm just not so certain that this dress will fit.  With out some miracle work by my amazing seamstress.  If anybody can fix it I know she can.   Here is that dress.  Wish me luck!!







I love LOVE weddings, and am looking forward to celebrating so many this year! 

Mother's Day...

I hope everybody had a great weekend!  I know I have been absent from my blog for a while...  honest all I want to do when I get home from work is go to bed!  I haven't been feeling the greatest, not the worst, but just not great.  I am not complaining for a single second, just defending my absence;)

So yesterday, Mother's Day.  Its a tough one.  It is a GREAT day, its a much needed and well deserved holiday, but none the less it is a tough one.  I personally feel that my Mom and my Grandma deserve this day.  A day where we do nothing but honor everything they have done for us.  Everything they have done for our families, everything they have done to make our lives the best they can be.  Hats of to them!!!

There are soooo many reasons that this holiday can be full of heartache for soooo many.  A dear friend of mine lost her mother in a very tragic car accident 8 years ago, I know how hard Mother's day is for her.  I'm certain it is that way for anybody missing their Mom.  All of they hype leading up to Mother's day, the advertisements and the displays in stores, all just another constant reminder that their Mom was taken away from them.  I can't even begin to imagine...

For Mommies whose children now live in Heaven.  A day where you are supposed to get extra snuggles and be spoiled with love from your kids...only they aren't here.  During children's time at church on Sunday, our Pastor asked all of the Moms in the congregation who had not gotten a hug from their children yet that day to raise their hand.  I fought tears and kept my hands to my side.  I thought, no, Nolan isn't here for me to snuggle, but what would people think if I raised my hand?  Some would understand, and others would be thinking, I didn't know Clint and Kari had any children.  People that I work with, who know I am pregnant, told me, "Happy Mother's Day, you mother of 2!"  2???  Hello, did you forget that I already have a child?  Just because he lives in Heaven does not mean I am not a mommy to him.  It hurts, because people do not think of me as a Mom.  Maybe I am crazy, but I am a Mom, Nolan will always be my first child and he will ALWAYS hold a place in our family.  As far as I'm concerned, I am indeed a Mother of 3! 

For dear friends and all of the incredible women who struggle with infertility, this day is hard.  Oh so hard, I can't even describe the hurt, on any given day.  But Mother's day is, in my mind, one of the hardest.  Of course we/they still want to honor their own Mom's.  We/they do, but there is a hurt and a longing that comes along with that.  Mothers day, to these amazing women, serves as a constant reminder of what they would give anything for.  Even though I am pregnant with 2 little miracles right now, these thoughts were soooo close to my heart this weekend.  I still don't have a baby or babies to hold...and I have wanted them for quite some time now.  I know my time is near, and I thank God for that every single day. 

I know all to well, that being pregnant does not guarantee that a baby/babies will be coming home with us.  For my own sanity and have to believe that it will be that way, though.  I already feel this way, and I know once I have my babies in my arms, I will feel even stronger about this.  I am glad I went through infertility.  Did I ever think I would say that?  No.  It is/was the biggest struggle in my life, and I'm afraid that journey isn't completely over.  Between that and loosing Nolan, I was at a bottom place in my life.  A place I never thought I would go, a place I NEVER want to go back to.  But I learned SO much, I met soooo many amazing women.  I hope and pray I never forget those feelings...not sure forgetting them is even possible.  But I don't want to forget.  I don't want to forget what it feels like to sit in church on Mother's day when you would give absolutely anything to be a mommy.  I want to think about and pray for other women still on the journey and I want to feel the same compassion towards them that I always have.  I want to be an inspiration and proof to other moms that miracles to happen.  I want others to gain hope and faith when they know my own story.


Maybe I'm rambling now, I hope this made sense!  Oh, I'm 9 weeks today with the twins!!  Still doesn't seem possible to me!  I'll have to get Clint to take a picture...so different than my last pregnancy.  Already wearing a belly band every day...my pants won't button!!!